by Janice Goveas
You wouldn't expect a self-described "femme, but low-maintenance femme" to be into Mixed Martial Arts. But then meeting Dorianne Emmerton will correct that expectation, because she has enough energy to snap you, me and a score of others out of our sleepy sense of contradictions and into a world where they make total sense.
Let's begin by qualifying our terms. On being femme, Dorianne includes among the things she enjoys: not wearing pants. Not, she explains, that she walks around with nothing on her bottom half, even if she does think that the recent trend for women to wear tights as pants is deplorable. She just prefers skirts and dresses. However, she can’t wear high heels and rarely wears makeup. Therefore, she’s femme, but low-maintenance femme. On her love of Mixed Martial Arts: it's the homoerotic text that most engages her. "It's goons in Tag Out shirts and oooh! they're hugging. That's so sweet," she coos. Even the language used, like doms and subs, is "totally kink terminology"
The other things she enjoys are cheese, cats, beer, direct sunlight, unconventional relationships and board games. We didn't discuss beer, direct sunlight, board games or unconventional relationships because those seemed self-explanatory - but now that I've met Dorianne I'm wondering if that was a misperception.
About cheese: "everything tastes better with cheese," she argues. She could write a commercial about it. She's not into very mouldy blue cheese, but judiciously consumed pizza topped with it when it was served to her on her second date with her current girlfriend. She remembers a recent trip to Paris where the cheese experience was outstanding. "But the French don't believe in refrigeration, and even my girlfried wasn't hard core enough to eat the furry parts, so we cut around them."
She is also an internet junkie. "If I could have a wifi connection implanted under my skin and wear glasses with screens displayed on the backside I would, and I don’t care how much that would make me look like a member of the Borg." She is a fiction junkie, as well, and would like nothing better than to spend all day reading and writing and tooling around the internet.
"However, I have not yet found a way to pay my rent with these pursuits, so I sadly spend 36.25 hours a week at an office job in the public sector."
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